January 5
I am going to the store. I got to get out the house. I am so upset. How am I going to get through this. I hate struggling really. I just don't like rich men and their ways.
I should focus on getting out of my financial debt. He was never in the way. It was driving me nutts to like someone that much. I could not even sleep out night till I
knew he was ok. I don't want that in my life.
New men, its time to get some, lol. I have got to get my fish hook and wheel them boys on in.
January 6
Rice is a great guy actually. He is really good to me sexually, I just don't know if I can ever make him happy. He seems content, but that does not mean he is happy.
I feel like I am in love with him cause all I do is think about him. He says I scare him , and he is afraid I will come after him.
My bills are going to kill me, I just had to sign up for another cell phone company, so now I am tmobile, sprint, and verizon. I think that is a bit much, plus I have AT &
T prepaid. Wish me luck on paying all these bills. Now check this out, Clear, did not approve, but Sprint did. That makes no since.
January 7
Wow I am working, that is a good thing. I need to take a break though. I don't know how I am going to pay my cell bill, but it seems I keep meeting nice guys that are
really sweet. This one guy tried to get me to escort again. I cursed him out. He must be a pimp, asking me all the time. I am still single, got so many guys contacting
me but they really just trying to get some sex, just like Ric said. This lawyer hit me up, but he always talking, never meeting. My friend Tia said I should stalk Rice. I
told Rice she said that . "That is funny," Rice is like, " you are doing fine"
He is worried about me becoming a stalker. I don't know why? He fine as hell, but I will get me someone else if he doesn't want me. He has some type of secret life, I
can't understand or get. He told me his reading this, but he too busy doing fun stuff than to read my boring stuff on here. You can tell when someone is lieing. Now
my thing is what is up with me not having sex with no one else and waiting for him? I am so tired. I am going to sleep, no dick today, plus I have not been feeling well
lately.
My friend Lisa said I am not paying attention to her calls. Even though Ric is white, she still sees him as black, and say girl fuck that nigga! That is funny to me. All
my friends act like he is black. He is kind of very ethnic, which is funny. The thing is that we don't have a thing in common really, well wait; computers, sex, affection,
but thats it. Well I told him, he is going to make a good friend
January 8
I got my holiday gifts. I was stuck in the house all weekend. So many guys are trying to go out with me since I moved here. The only thing mainly on my mind today
is my cell bill. There is this guy in Camden said he will give me the money for my cell bill, but no sex, just he wants me to seduce some guy in public, that turns him
on. I know its weird, but thats what he wants. Everytime I do anything I can't stop thinking about Ric though and it drives me nuts. He has got allot on his plate being
with me and this new life style. I will be understanding, but my life is not going to stop.
Rob texted me today. He is wanting to see me this week. I am like its whatever. I could use the company. I am going crazy being alone lately in this hotel. I really
need some friends in King of Prussia, PA. Da did not call me at all this week. I am talking about the Da from the club, so he must be kind of upset with me, or maybe
he did get with Tia, or Meme.
Today I am going to get an exam. God let me still be healthy. Sex is almost dead since I moved out of my apartment, so its all good. Ed contacted me and he thinks
I like Ric cause of his money. I am like, " I have not seen any money." I don't like guys for money, I like them for what they can do for me. I don't mean sex either.
He makes me feel really special, and does what he can do to make me happy. I usually believe in sighns that people meet for a reason, but lately its not totally
coming true. Well if I don't find love by March 3rd, I might have to relocate. There are some guys that want to marry me, that barely know me. I will try to get to
know them so my year being 34 will be worth it.
Da from New Jersey has not contacted me. I see him online and he says nothing to me, but its cool. I will say one thing for Ric he has helped me get over him. I am
going to call Sue and give her an update.
January 9
I still have not raised the money for my phone bill. I don't know what to do. I am calling Will and he is coming over. I hope that does help.
January 10
I was sleep when will called yesterday, and just woke up at 3 am. I don't know what to do now. He is not answering his phone.
My AIDS test was negative. The clinic is telling me everything is all good. I call Rich and he is like, ok cool. I get checked so he can trust me and he does not even
give a damn.
I am so broke and barely have any money in my account. this guy from niteflirt keeps calling me saying meet him, he will pay my bill and give me extra money. I am
going to have to go. I hope nothing happens to me.
Later
Well I did it. He paid my cell bill. He also took me to places full of construction guys. I hung with the guys and flirted with them. I don't know if they knew I was a tgirl
or not. I feel like a prostitute all over again. This is not what I want to be doing, I am going backwards. Its sad that strait guys do all this in the public, but guys that
like trannys do things undercover and always worry about what someone thinks. They never bother to fuckin think of what I am feeling when they feel this way. I feel
suicidal and I am going to sleep.
January 11
I woke up and I can barely move. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything. I feel my life is over. I feel I am so trapped. My bill is paid but I am still suffering. Rice
says he coming over after work, and I tell him not to. If I saw him I would fall in love with him all over again, and that is not what I want. I want to feel the anger and
hatred right now. I think it will make me stronger.
The guys from last night called me. They are trying to set me up to come to a hotel and they gang bang me. Yeah, another rape on my record is not what I need. I
let them have it. I told them, "I am not interested."
January 12
It snowed this morning, but it seems they cleared it out before I woke up at 4 am.
I was so depressed yesterday. I woke up looking a mess, and smelling like I was dead. I think the hormones are making me sexier, but its affecting my mind, or it
could be heart break. I don't want to see any guys, unless I can find one guy to make me forget these other guys. I have tried older and younger and it does not
work. I have to see Sue today. I did some work today, so that will help with the bills.
Allot of people begged me now to do the Bukake video where I lay in the pit and all those guys piss on me, but the man said he will pay me 40,000, plus I get money
for the degrading tour. That will be my last resort, but allot of people are pushing me not to do it, but getting out of debt would be so nice and money in my pocket
would be too. Then also the world would hate me more than they already do.
Rice called on my way home and told me he does not feel the way I do. I am like what the fuck. How do you feel? He said , "I care about you, just not in love with
you. I want to be friends, but this is not the lifestyle for me." I could barely work when I got home. I cried and cried. Rice is so my type and I really want to be with
him. He just like Da. I can't deal with this. I feel like life is over.
January 13
I work up and check my phone and come to find out the Repo man came by took my car. I am so upset. My stuff was still in the car. How did they find me? I called
all my friends and told them. Now I am really stuck here. My parents said they will help at the end of the month. Will said he will help also, but have not heard from
you but only on text messages. So now I am homeless and no car. My gosh, it can't get worse can it. Actually the last thing is for me to be sleep on the street. I
hope I don't have to go back to my moms. Thats what she wants me to do. You know dealing with this has got me upset. I really need a break here. My birthday is
coming up and I dont have nothing to show for my life. So no home, no boyfriend, no car. I am so unhappy.
January 14
I can't deal with life, but I have to work and I am going to work. Wish me luck. I need so many prayers. I need God in my life but I don't have a car to get to work. I
really need love and understanding. Well Tia called and she is going to take me to pick up my things.
Later
The place will not let me pick up my things. Tia end up taking me to eat are this chinese place. Well then Tia came over and we talked to guys online, and guess
who came over. Rice came over. Yes yes yes. I am so crazy about him. Gosh, then he kissed me and rubbed my tits, teased me so much. I want him so bad. He
really made my day and that night he called and told me I was still on his mind. Well he is truly my best friend now. I was so happy all night. I have not slept that
good in a long time after he and Tia left. I thought he was flirting with her, but he promised he was not.
January 15
I am so happy. Today Rice called me. Its like hearing from a movie star. I really really like it. Its like he wants me to date, so I will try, but for some reason, no one is
showing up to date me. Allot of guys want to fuck me, but come on. I really want some attention.
I am going to the tgirl party tonight. So I hope this works out. I am talking about some men be there. Rice told me I might have a curse on me. I am going to check it
out and see can someone help me.
I had a great time at the tirl party. Tia picked me up and Vicki took me home. I made a new friend Rebecca. So its great. Tia is going to help me with a ride like
once a week. Tia also met a really wealthy tgirl that is going to be friends with her. Tia wants to be in the upper social circles. I wore my cheerleading type skirt and
top. Tia was very conservative
I saw Da, and he was looking so cute, then I went to hug him and ask him, was he mad at me, and all he could do was talk about my Diary. I am so upfront on here
and he has to deal with it. I asked him about being versatile and he told me he thinks me fucking him should not be a problem. Then he also said I might look at him
differently. I am like what is really up with that. He says, I say all these bad things about him when its really not like that, I said the man can fuck. He can fuck really
good. Rice is just bigger and I do mean almost 9 inches, and 9 inches is so great. It just seems like when I do like a guy sexually something is wrong.
I talked to Rebecca and she can read palms and she told me I was going to live to about 75 and the love of my life is not in my presence right now. Gosh I hate being
a tgirl. Its one thing being born a man, then being a tgirl is better but women have it so much better in some ways. They too busy worrying about a man cheating on
them, when they should be happy about it, cause thats the point they can date and remarry again. It should be more of a relief.
January 16
Sunday I called Vicki and she said she would take me out Monday. I did not hear from Rice today. I slept most of the day regardless. I am dealing with the fact he
does not want to be with me, but I can feel he wants to. Something is keeping him from being with me. I really need a guy hotter than him to get over him. Thats what
I did with Da, when he took a week to finally call me.
Some guys were calling me and they were all just on the phone talking about everything I can't stand. It takes so much for a guy to make me happy. They just don't
get it.
January 17
I went out with vicki this week. I actually went out with a tgirl friend that is not that passable, but is a wonderful person and we did not have problems really. I mean
allot of looks. You know one thing I hate here in the Northeast is they say you guys. I hate you guys, even if it is common. I would like people to say you folks, or
yall. I am serious, all that other shit pisses me off, and the 20 percent tip, drives me nuts. The people in King of Prussia, were not so happy with me and Vicki being
there, but fuck them. Now I would not take her to Walmart. She does not mind people ridicules but Walmart is hard for even me and Tia.
Rice came over to meet Vicki, and he and I kissed, but not much. He is pulling further away from me. I rubbed his back while we all had a conversation. I love just
being around him. He is so so hot. Then he ran from me as usual. Vicki said she would leave, but he left before he could be alone with me. He told me to go out
with Vicki. I was cool with that. To get over him, I put on my hot red dress ready to hit the prow then all of a sudden its sleet outside, and lots of it, it was almost
looking like snow. I can't deal with that. I feel like Rice is the one putting a curse on me. The all of a sudden, I start to think that maybe I was not meant to be in a
relationship with any man. I mean really things are not going good at all. Then all of a sudden my old friend from south USA Ray contacts me. I mean whats up with
that. He always checking on me but its not like he is helping me. I don't know why he does it sometime. I think I am more mad at him for not being with me. You know
Ray and Rice are just alike. Ray always runs from the fact of being in love with me cause of what people think. Why do I love men that are affraid to be with me like?
I know cause they are the only ones that are attractive to me sexually.
I am going to the store. I got to get out the house. I am so upset. How am I going to get through this. I hate struggling really. I just don't like rich men and their ways.
I should focus on getting out of my financial debt. He was never in the way. It was driving me nutts to like someone that much. I could not even sleep out night till I
knew he was ok. I don't want that in my life.
New men, its time to get some, lol. I have got to get my fish hook and wheel them boys on in.
January 6
Rice is a great guy actually. He is really good to me sexually, I just don't know if I can ever make him happy. He seems content, but that does not mean he is happy.
I feel like I am in love with him cause all I do is think about him. He says I scare him , and he is afraid I will come after him.
My bills are going to kill me, I just had to sign up for another cell phone company, so now I am tmobile, sprint, and verizon. I think that is a bit much, plus I have AT &
T prepaid. Wish me luck on paying all these bills. Now check this out, Clear, did not approve, but Sprint did. That makes no since.
January 7
Wow I am working, that is a good thing. I need to take a break though. I don't know how I am going to pay my cell bill, but it seems I keep meeting nice guys that are
really sweet. This one guy tried to get me to escort again. I cursed him out. He must be a pimp, asking me all the time. I am still single, got so many guys contacting
me but they really just trying to get some sex, just like Ric said. This lawyer hit me up, but he always talking, never meeting. My friend Tia said I should stalk Rice. I
told Rice she said that . "That is funny," Rice is like, " you are doing fine"
He is worried about me becoming a stalker. I don't know why? He fine as hell, but I will get me someone else if he doesn't want me. He has some type of secret life, I
can't understand or get. He told me his reading this, but he too busy doing fun stuff than to read my boring stuff on here. You can tell when someone is lieing. Now
my thing is what is up with me not having sex with no one else and waiting for him? I am so tired. I am going to sleep, no dick today, plus I have not been feeling well
lately.
My friend Lisa said I am not paying attention to her calls. Even though Ric is white, she still sees him as black, and say girl fuck that nigga! That is funny to me. All
my friends act like he is black. He is kind of very ethnic, which is funny. The thing is that we don't have a thing in common really, well wait; computers, sex, affection,
but thats it. Well I told him, he is going to make a good friend
January 8
I got my holiday gifts. I was stuck in the house all weekend. So many guys are trying to go out with me since I moved here. The only thing mainly on my mind today
is my cell bill. There is this guy in Camden said he will give me the money for my cell bill, but no sex, just he wants me to seduce some guy in public, that turns him
on. I know its weird, but thats what he wants. Everytime I do anything I can't stop thinking about Ric though and it drives me nuts. He has got allot on his plate being
with me and this new life style. I will be understanding, but my life is not going to stop.
Rob texted me today. He is wanting to see me this week. I am like its whatever. I could use the company. I am going crazy being alone lately in this hotel. I really
need some friends in King of Prussia, PA. Da did not call me at all this week. I am talking about the Da from the club, so he must be kind of upset with me, or maybe
he did get with Tia, or Meme.
Today I am going to get an exam. God let me still be healthy. Sex is almost dead since I moved out of my apartment, so its all good. Ed contacted me and he thinks
I like Ric cause of his money. I am like, " I have not seen any money." I don't like guys for money, I like them for what they can do for me. I don't mean sex either.
He makes me feel really special, and does what he can do to make me happy. I usually believe in sighns that people meet for a reason, but lately its not totally
coming true. Well if I don't find love by March 3rd, I might have to relocate. There are some guys that want to marry me, that barely know me. I will try to get to
know them so my year being 34 will be worth it.
Da from New Jersey has not contacted me. I see him online and he says nothing to me, but its cool. I will say one thing for Ric he has helped me get over him. I am
going to call Sue and give her an update.
January 9
I still have not raised the money for my phone bill. I don't know what to do. I am calling Will and he is coming over. I hope that does help.
January 10
I was sleep when will called yesterday, and just woke up at 3 am. I don't know what to do now. He is not answering his phone.
My AIDS test was negative. The clinic is telling me everything is all good. I call Rich and he is like, ok cool. I get checked so he can trust me and he does not even
give a damn.
I am so broke and barely have any money in my account. this guy from niteflirt keeps calling me saying meet him, he will pay my bill and give me extra money. I am
going to have to go. I hope nothing happens to me.
Later
Well I did it. He paid my cell bill. He also took me to places full of construction guys. I hung with the guys and flirted with them. I don't know if they knew I was a tgirl
or not. I feel like a prostitute all over again. This is not what I want to be doing, I am going backwards. Its sad that strait guys do all this in the public, but guys that
like trannys do things undercover and always worry about what someone thinks. They never bother to fuckin think of what I am feeling when they feel this way. I feel
suicidal and I am going to sleep.
January 11
I woke up and I can barely move. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything. I feel my life is over. I feel I am so trapped. My bill is paid but I am still suffering. Rice
says he coming over after work, and I tell him not to. If I saw him I would fall in love with him all over again, and that is not what I want. I want to feel the anger and
hatred right now. I think it will make me stronger.
The guys from last night called me. They are trying to set me up to come to a hotel and they gang bang me. Yeah, another rape on my record is not what I need. I
let them have it. I told them, "I am not interested."
January 12
It snowed this morning, but it seems they cleared it out before I woke up at 4 am.
I was so depressed yesterday. I woke up looking a mess, and smelling like I was dead. I think the hormones are making me sexier, but its affecting my mind, or it
could be heart break. I don't want to see any guys, unless I can find one guy to make me forget these other guys. I have tried older and younger and it does not
work. I have to see Sue today. I did some work today, so that will help with the bills.
Allot of people begged me now to do the Bukake video where I lay in the pit and all those guys piss on me, but the man said he will pay me 40,000, plus I get money
for the degrading tour. That will be my last resort, but allot of people are pushing me not to do it, but getting out of debt would be so nice and money in my pocket
would be too. Then also the world would hate me more than they already do.
Rice called on my way home and told me he does not feel the way I do. I am like what the fuck. How do you feel? He said , "I care about you, just not in love with
you. I want to be friends, but this is not the lifestyle for me." I could barely work when I got home. I cried and cried. Rice is so my type and I really want to be with
him. He just like Da. I can't deal with this. I feel like life is over.
January 13
I work up and check my phone and come to find out the Repo man came by took my car. I am so upset. My stuff was still in the car. How did they find me? I called
all my friends and told them. Now I am really stuck here. My parents said they will help at the end of the month. Will said he will help also, but have not heard from
you but only on text messages. So now I am homeless and no car. My gosh, it can't get worse can it. Actually the last thing is for me to be sleep on the street. I
hope I don't have to go back to my moms. Thats what she wants me to do. You know dealing with this has got me upset. I really need a break here. My birthday is
coming up and I dont have nothing to show for my life. So no home, no boyfriend, no car. I am so unhappy.
January 14
I can't deal with life, but I have to work and I am going to work. Wish me luck. I need so many prayers. I need God in my life but I don't have a car to get to work. I
really need love and understanding. Well Tia called and she is going to take me to pick up my things.
Later
The place will not let me pick up my things. Tia end up taking me to eat are this chinese place. Well then Tia came over and we talked to guys online, and guess
who came over. Rice came over. Yes yes yes. I am so crazy about him. Gosh, then he kissed me and rubbed my tits, teased me so much. I want him so bad. He
really made my day and that night he called and told me I was still on his mind. Well he is truly my best friend now. I was so happy all night. I have not slept that
good in a long time after he and Tia left. I thought he was flirting with her, but he promised he was not.
January 15
I am so happy. Today Rice called me. Its like hearing from a movie star. I really really like it. Its like he wants me to date, so I will try, but for some reason, no one is
showing up to date me. Allot of guys want to fuck me, but come on. I really want some attention.
I am going to the tgirl party tonight. So I hope this works out. I am talking about some men be there. Rice told me I might have a curse on me. I am going to check it
out and see can someone help me.
I had a great time at the tirl party. Tia picked me up and Vicki took me home. I made a new friend Rebecca. So its great. Tia is going to help me with a ride like
once a week. Tia also met a really wealthy tgirl that is going to be friends with her. Tia wants to be in the upper social circles. I wore my cheerleading type skirt and
top. Tia was very conservative
I saw Da, and he was looking so cute, then I went to hug him and ask him, was he mad at me, and all he could do was talk about my Diary. I am so upfront on here
and he has to deal with it. I asked him about being versatile and he told me he thinks me fucking him should not be a problem. Then he also said I might look at him
differently. I am like what is really up with that. He says, I say all these bad things about him when its really not like that, I said the man can fuck. He can fuck really
good. Rice is just bigger and I do mean almost 9 inches, and 9 inches is so great. It just seems like when I do like a guy sexually something is wrong.
I talked to Rebecca and she can read palms and she told me I was going to live to about 75 and the love of my life is not in my presence right now. Gosh I hate being
a tgirl. Its one thing being born a man, then being a tgirl is better but women have it so much better in some ways. They too busy worrying about a man cheating on
them, when they should be happy about it, cause thats the point they can date and remarry again. It should be more of a relief.
January 16
Sunday I called Vicki and she said she would take me out Monday. I did not hear from Rice today. I slept most of the day regardless. I am dealing with the fact he
does not want to be with me, but I can feel he wants to. Something is keeping him from being with me. I really need a guy hotter than him to get over him. Thats what
I did with Da, when he took a week to finally call me.
Some guys were calling me and they were all just on the phone talking about everything I can't stand. It takes so much for a guy to make me happy. They just don't
get it.
January 17
I went out with vicki this week. I actually went out with a tgirl friend that is not that passable, but is a wonderful person and we did not have problems really. I mean
allot of looks. You know one thing I hate here in the Northeast is they say you guys. I hate you guys, even if it is common. I would like people to say you folks, or
yall. I am serious, all that other shit pisses me off, and the 20 percent tip, drives me nuts. The people in King of Prussia, were not so happy with me and Vicki being
there, but fuck them. Now I would not take her to Walmart. She does not mind people ridicules but Walmart is hard for even me and Tia.
Rice came over to meet Vicki, and he and I kissed, but not much. He is pulling further away from me. I rubbed his back while we all had a conversation. I love just
being around him. He is so so hot. Then he ran from me as usual. Vicki said she would leave, but he left before he could be alone with me. He told me to go out
with Vicki. I was cool with that. To get over him, I put on my hot red dress ready to hit the prow then all of a sudden its sleet outside, and lots of it, it was almost
looking like snow. I can't deal with that. I feel like Rice is the one putting a curse on me. The all of a sudden, I start to think that maybe I was not meant to be in a
relationship with any man. I mean really things are not going good at all. Then all of a sudden my old friend from south USA Ray contacts me. I mean whats up with
that. He always checking on me but its not like he is helping me. I don't know why he does it sometime. I think I am more mad at him for not being with me. You know
Ray and Rice are just alike. Ray always runs from the fact of being in love with me cause of what people think. Why do I love men that are affraid to be with me like?
I know cause they are the only ones that are attractive to me sexually.
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